Purgatory
by rinnyroo
Summary: Post War. Hermione is left to try and piece together the bits of her shattered dreams, where Draco is trying to find his. Is it coicidence that drew Hermione and Draco together, or is it destiny? UPDATING AFTER HIATUS. This story is being edited and updated. Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own a darn thing!

Hermione stood looking out her bedroom window at the burrow. Below her, gaggles of people were scattered around the lawn. Some set up tents magically, while others chatted in their finest robes. She saw Ginny moving around tables with her wand, when she looked up to the window. Hermione jumped and left, pacing back and forth until she caught a glimpse of herself in the full length mirror. She didn't want her friend to worry.

The dress was truly gorgeous. It was the same dress Molly had worn to her wedding, and her mother before her. It hung over her shoulders,with a delicate white bodice leading to a ruffled skirt. Hermione had dreamed of a dress like this when she was little. _Just like a princess_ , she thought.

Fluer had pinned her hair halfway up into a bun, allowing the bottom part of her hair to fall into soft curls down her back. Tonks had done her make up, with a light shimmery gold eyeshadow and simple mascara. "Less is more." She winked at her. She had never looked more beautiful.

And yet, we had never felt more worse.

Something within her was bubbling, making her anxious. Molly had said it was normal. "Oh dear, it's just pre-wedding jitters! The day I married Arthur, well... I'm just glad that dress doesn't have sweat stains all over it!"

But it was something more than just being anxious. Ron had been her best friend for seven years. They had been through so much together. So much had happened to lead her where she was today. She loved him. She loved him so much it made her whole body ache. Some nights she just laid there, staring at his sleeping form, loving every flaw and imperfection. And now, she was marrying Ronald Weasley in an hour. She was going to be Mrs. Hermione Weasley.

Just thinking the name made her get a funny taste in her mouth. She could feel herself breaking into a cold sweat. She needed to find Harry.

Harry had always been her rock. The brother she never had. When they spent the year hunting horcruxes, no matter how stressful or scared she became, he was always there. He'd tell her a joke, or simply lend his shoulder to cry on, but no matter what he was there. She needed to hear him say not to worry, that she was just overreacting.

She bolted out of the room, heading towards the upper level where his room was. Ever since Bellatrix had destroyed the previous burrow home, the Weasley's had expanded to make room for the already large family and their constant guests. She lifted the bottom of her dress as she practically ran up the stairs, finally making it to Harry's door.

She flung it open without knocking, looking around frantically.

His bed remained unmade, a few articles of clothing scattered around the floor. Normally she'd scold him for leaving his area in such disrepair, but it didn't matter now. He wasn't there.

She kept on her journey upward towards Ron's room. He was supposed to be downstairs anyway, maybe Harry needed to borrow something. He had to be in there. He just had to. She needed just to have this feeling go away. He would make it go away. Her bare feet made only light patters on the floor, and she threw open Ron's door in desperation.

There was a flurry of movement and objects falling. Hermione tried to focus her eyes but she saw all that she needed to see with the two people she had not expected to be in the room. Neither one was Harry.

Lavender brown grabbed a sheet and covered her naked body as Ron fell off the bed, hastily pulling up his dress pants. His eyes were wide with fear. Hermione felt herself swaying in the doorframe, trying her hardest just to make the room be still.

"Mione. I-"

She found her voice, miraculously surprising the bile that threatened to come up.

"Don't call me that." She whispered.

It felt like eternity was passing but it was merely seconds. Behind her the rough steps of someone following her behind the stairs came closer and closer.

"Hermione! Hermione are you up here? Come on you know it's bad luck to see the bride-"

Harry came up behind her and into the room's view. His shirt was still untucked, and his red tie hung lazily around his neck. Hermione moved from the door and looked away from Ron and lavender, her eyes starting to swell with tears. The feeling of dread she had been stewing in all morning came splashing down on her like cold water. She loved him. She loved him. And here he was, the day of their wedding, in bed with another woman.

"Ron?! What the bloody hell is this?!" Harry's kind eyes were replaced with fury that his glasses only seemed to magnify. His thick brows knitted together in a scowl. Lavender squeaked behind her sheet, darting her eyes back and forth between Ron and Harry.

Ron had managed to zip up his trousers and was running his hands through his shaggy red hair. Hermione had backed up to the banister of the stairs, looking at him in agony.

She loved him.

She loved him.

She loved him.

"I don't know.. I don't know.. It just sort of happened. She came up to my room and..."

Hermione couldn't bear to hear another moment. She bolted down the stairs, not even caring about the dress or tearing it.

"Hermione!" Harry yelled above her.

She ran the two flights down and flew open her door, grabbing her wand and belongings. She threw them all into her extendable bag and kept going.

Molly was in the kitchen, placing the final touches on the cake. It was 7 tiers tall, one for every year they knew each other. She had charmed it so that golden and ruby sparkles rained down over the little figurines of her and Ron on top. It was everything she had ever dreamed of.

She came to a stop when she saw Molly, who turned in surprise which grew into concern at Hermione's now flowing tears.

"Hermione!" She tossed her wand on the table. "Hermione? Dear, what's wrong?"

She could hear people coming down the stairs.

Harry knew. Harry saw it. And that made it all more real. But how could she stay around now? How could she talk about it when he was still just a few floors above them? How would she tell every one outside, their friends and family what had just occurred.

"Hermione! Wait!"

Harry was almost there. She snapped her head up and saw him bounding down, only a floor above her.

Hermione ran outside, using the exit closest away from the gathering of people. She picked up the dress and looked behind her. From a distance she could see Professor McGonagall, who was watching her in confusion. She wished she could explain. She wished she could confide in the teacher she had admired and respected for so long. No doubt it would look like she had cold feet. But at the moment Hermione just couldn't face it. She ran to the thicket surrounding the house when she heard Harry calling again.

"Hermione! Please wait!"

She flipped around and felt the fabric work against her legs, causing her to fall. She tried to tangle them free when she saw harry running towards her, Molly Weasley and now professor McGonagall behind him. She couldn't take it. She couldn't be here.

She had loved him.

So without a second of hesitation, she squeezed her eyes shut and snapped her fingers, apparating as far as she could go.

She cracked into reality once more, her dress still twisted and disheveled. She was in an dirty alleyway deep in London. She finally untangled herself and slowly came to her feet. She felt a wetness and realized she had landed in some kind of puddle. muddy brown water stained her side, and she began to weep. All the emotions she was holding back came all at once. The horrible feeling she had all week. She felt something was coming, but never this. She loved him.

...:::::::::::...

Her mind tormented her by replaying the scene over and over. She saw Ronald huffing into her. She saw his passion unfolding into someone else. They were supposed to experience it together, for the first time. But how many times had it happened? How long had she been in the dark?

She distractedly made her way down the alley, knowing it well by heart to even need to concentrate. She let the train of the dress drag along the filthy streets . She didn't even care anymore. The soft light of the sunset led her into the city again, and she saw the familiar sight into view.

To a normal passerby it would look like an abandoned building. But any wizard in London knew the famous pub. She crossed over without even bothering to look for cars. She'd gladly welcome an end to it all. Sadly, nothing came into contact with her, and she walked into the leaky cauldron.

It looked the same as it always had, despite previous renovation. The dining room was dimly lit, but already bustling with its' normal patrons tucked into booths or tables. A few wizards looked up from their game of exploding snap and eyed her curiously, but she waltzed in and headed straight for the bar top.

She lifted herself onto the stool and looked around for Tom the inn keeper. He was down the bar talking to a rather decrepit looking wizard and but looked up towards her. He seemed to have recognized her and hobbled over, smiling a toothy grin.

"Ah, miss granger! What can I do you for?"

"A double shot of whisky, please tom."

She wiped under her eyes and tried to look as normal as possible. She felt the entire room quiet slightly and their stares burned into her back. Tom simply nodded, and conjured out a glass and bottle.

"This is our finest firewhisky, miss granger. Over a hundred years old-"

Hermione grabbed the glass from him and shot it back, the liquid stinging her throat. She pushed it forward again towards him. He raised his eyebrows and poured another, which she shot back again. After her fourth he tapped the top of the tumbler.

"Gotta get some food in you if you're gonna be drinking like that, miss."

Hermione was too weak willed, and now drunk, to argue with him. He walked away and she stared at the glass. She wondered what was happening at the burrow now. Even though she managed to escape she still left humiliated.

"Poor Hermione!" They'd say. She couldn't handle being pitied. She'd rather be judged than pitied.

She wondered where Harry was. She felt guilty for not saying anything to him. If there was anyone she wanted to see, it was him.

Tom returned with a plate of stew and potatoes. She thanked him quietly and began to pick at it.

"So, just in for the drink, miss?" Tom leaned in towards her, as to avoid the eavesdroppers. She looked up sadly and put down her fork.

"Do you have any rooms available?" She barely whispered.

Tom reached into his pocket and pulled out a key, sliding it over to her hand.

"Don't worry dear. Stay as long as you like. No charge."

Hermione began to protest when he pushed her plate towards her.

"Eat."

He made her a water and walked back towards the elderly wizard, leaving her alone with her thoughts once again.

She had began to eat slowly, but it proved difficult. Every bite seemed to make her feel ill. Her mind kept replaying the same thing over and over. Her view of herself in the mirror. Ron running his hands through his hair. Harry's face as she apparated away.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Granger. Or, is it Weasel now?" A familiar voice drawled. But it couldn't be. It was too deep. He couldn't be here. He couldn't see her now, like this.

She kept her eyes on her barely touched food, which had gone cold with the hours passing by. She felt someone slide into the stool next to her, and she could smell him. He always smelled the same. Like fresh mowed grass, parchment, and something strong, like light sweat.

Please don't let it be him.

"Well, probably not Weasley by the look of it. So what happened, Granger? Cold feet?"

She slammed her fork down and glared to her right. It was him. Draco Malfoy.

Although it had only been a year since she last saw him, he looked different. He had filled out from his previous scrawny form, no doubt from the position he got as seeker for the Falmouth Falcons. He was no longer sickly pale, but slightly tan. His blonde hair had grown out considerably, almost daring to go into his steely grey eyes. His face was strong and mature, and Hermione couldn't help but let her gaze wonder down to his thick lips, which were set in the usual smirk she saw him with.

She got control of herself and grabbed the keys Tom had left her, throwing a few gallons on the counter even though she was told it was free of charge, and gave Draco a pointed look before making her way to her room. She ignored the stares of the other patrons who whispered behind their hands. She didn't know any of these people, well, besides Draco. But she didn't want to think of them. She just wanted to get out of the dress.

She briskly walked down the hallway. Room 8B. She glanced at the passing door, 2B. She was so close. Almost there.

"Granger!"

She heard his voice again, but didn't falter, instead walking faster almost at a jog.

"Come on, granger! You can't run forever! Can't say I blame you though!"

5B... 6B...

"So what happened?! Weasel saw you in that hideous dress and left you at the alter?"

She whipped around and glared at him, drawing her wand from her bag and pointed it at him. He was only a few feet away, and lifted his hands seemingly in surrender, a cold smile playing across his lips. She broke the distance between them and stabbed his neck with her wand, craning her head up to look him dead in the eyes.

"It would do you well Malfoy... To mind your tongue."

Her voice was low and deadly, articulating each word so deliberately that she briefly sounded like snape. Even Draco slightly faltered at her words, his face dropping and his eyebrow raised. She dropped her wand and ran all the way to her room, shoving the key in and slamming the door behind her.

The room was simple and cozy. There was an old rug , a peeling white dresser, and a large canopy bed made up with a soft blue down comforter. She frantically began to pull off the dress, sobs beginning to build with each passing moment. She had imagined this night, taking off this dress and being with him for the first time. She imagined he'd be gentle and sweet. He'd kiss her all over and told her he loved her.

She ripped off the garter belt in disgust, hurling it across the room. All she wore was her bra and underwear, but she couldn't wait another minute. She pulled back the comforters and buried herself in her sadness, letting the tears flow in heavy streams until she finally fell asleep.

So what do you think? Let me know!


	2. Another day

Sunshine seeped through the thin curtains, basking the room in warmth. The objects around the room no longer casted shadows, but stood proudly in the mid morning glow. A large grandfather clock in the corner chimed as the hands hit 10 AM, and Hermione finally let her eyes open. Her pupils adjusted to the light, and taking a quick sweep of her surroundings she realized that it was all real. Yesterday had come and gone, and the deep sinking feeling in her heart returned. It radiated through her veins with every heart beat, and soon her entire body felt broken.

She had dreamt of him, of their wedding. She came down the stairs and Harry walked her down the aisle, just as they had planned. He was there, waiting for her. A lily pinned to his jacket. His crimson hair glimmering in the setting sun. The enchanted fireflies swaying all around him. He was smiling at her, the same goofy smile he always had. The smile she'd never wanted to see again, but already sorely missed.

She dreamt of their wedding night. The moon masking everything in a dull blue light. He kissed her and held her close. She could almost smell him. She loved him.

It all felt so real, but it was just a dream.

She remained in bed for the rest of the morning, only finally leaving to use the restroom. Leaning over the sink she splashed her face with cool water and raised herself up to look at herself.

Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. Her hair was still somewhat in its formal form, a few hairs straying from the bun. She ripped out the hair tie and shook it out, as if to erase it from ever happening. She felt soiled. She reeked from the cold sweats. Removing the fancy bra and panty set she bought, she made her way to the shower.

Turning the faucets on full heat, she gingerly stepped in. Her body began to finally relax, each muscle gradually releasing its bind to her bones. She stayed there until the water came cold, then she muttered a wandless heating charm and stayed longer. She wanted to cleanse her soul, to baptize her fate. Everything was going to be different now. It was time to start over.

But where would she go?

Since the end of the war they had all lived at the burrow. Harry had been given rights to the property at grimmauld place, but he refused to move until the place had been removed of curses and enchantments, which proved difficult. She and Ron had been saving, well more her, for a cottage. It was supposed to be perfect, with a green lawn and a white picket fence. They would have coffee and tea every morning in their breakfast nook. She'd make supper with vegetables from their garden. She'd learn to knit and make mittens for him when it became cold. They'd gather firewood together and roast marshmallows for their hot 'd fall asleep together, in their quaint little home and their quaint little life. It was perfect. Her plan was perfect.

"So much for plans." She sighed to herself.

Her skin had began to prune and swell with water, so she reluctantly left the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. She came to the unmade bed and set herself on the edge, propping her elbows on her knees.

She had read about the stages of grief in a psychology book after Sirius had died. The first stage was denial and isolation. That felt about right. She longed to camp deep in a cave, or bury herself deep in the sand like a crab. She wanted so badly to simply obliviate her mind. But it just kept questioning her.

Why? Why does it hurt so badly?

Because she loved him.

The room felt like it was engulfing her. The walls were closing in. She began to take deep breaths, just praying something would get to her lungs. She fell to the floor and grabbed her bag. She needed to get out of this room.

Grabbing a simple pair of jeans and a grey jumper, she hurriedly dressed. Anywhere but this room. She just needed to move, to breathe fresh air, to feel alive.

She left the room and headed to the bar area, giving Tom a polite nod and small smile, and headed for diagon alley.

The late afternoon air was sweet and comforting. Much of the alley had been rebuilt and small crowds rummaged through the shops. She couldn't help but smile at the small children playing with tiny brooms and toys. She wondered around aimlessly, silently resenting the happy people.

Eventually she made her way to Bourish and Botts. Just the sight of books gave her comfort. Their endless pages giving hope and facts, wild stories and dreams. She ran her fingertips along the spines, hearing the whispers of the words within. She found herself in the non fiction section deep in the back of the store. There was a comfy looking chair set up as a reading nook. She grabbed a few novels that looked interesting and settled in, allowing herself to finally break free from the harshness of the past 24 hours. She fell deep into her mind, letting the sentences play pictures across her thoughts.

She had to have stayed for hours, as the sun had already set and the shop was lit dimly with floating candles. Approaching steps broke her out of her trance as a middle aged witch came around the corner with a pile of books.

"Oh! I'm sorry dear I had no idea anyone was back here!" She smiled warmly at Hermione. She couldn't help but smile back meekly. The witch dropped off the books on a nearby table.

"We're actually closing up now, love. Can I help you with anything beforehand?"

Hermione gathered her things and kept a few books with her.

"I'm sorry, I guess I just got lost in everything. May I purchase these?"

The witch nodded and smiled.

After she purchased five more books to add to her collection, Hermione had finally felt good. She held them close like an infant, and walked slowly back to the Inn. Maybe everything would be okay. She did have enough money saved to get her own place. Then maybe she'd look into the job the ministry had offered her. Kingsley said she could have any position she wanted. She could start over. Fresh. Without him...

"Hmm. I thought you were changing with all those shots you had last night. But here you are again, books as usual. Tell me, Granger, do you ever get bored of yourself?"

It was that voice again. Oh, please. Not know. Today was ending so well.

Draco Malfoy came up beside her just as she made it to the Leaky Cauldron. She gripped the books tighter to her chest, refusing to acknowledge him.

"So you're staying here another night, huh? Things must not be going well at home."

She couldn't stop herself as she turned to him. Her face was set in a deep glare.

"Don't you have a manor that you could be creeping about?"

He smiled at her, taking one of her books and inspected it disinterestedly.

"I have many properties that I can grace with the honor of my presence."

Hermione scoffed and rolled her eyes. Grace with his presence. How can this boy- well, man now- be so completely self involved even after everything he's been through?

"That's lovely." She responded simply, and pushed past him to make her way up the stairs.

"Miss Granger!" Tom the innkeeper came towards her. He limped only slightly, but Hermione met him halfway as he handed her a few envelopes. "These arrived for you by owl earlier on. "

Hermione nodded and tucked them into her books, not wanting to give Draco any further insight to her life.

She made her way back towards the stairs when she heard him again.

"So when are you going to tell me what happened?"

She stopped midway up the staircase and looked back at him.

"And why would I ever do that, Malfoy?"

He looked up from the bottom and began to slowly step towards her. Tingles began to melt down her body as he stared at her, his hard gaze freezing her in place. He pulled out a paper from his back pocket, brandishing it in front of her. "I suppose you wouldn't really need to. It was all over the prophet this morning."

All the blood had left Hermione's face. She began to feel queazy. It only took a few minutes for her whole world to fall apart, and apparently only a few hours for the rest of it to be exposed. Draco flipped the paper to the front headline:

 **WAR HEROINE HERMIONE GRANGER** **BETRAYED ON THE ALTER**

It was the pictures that sent her over the edge.

The first had been Hermione running in her dress. It was taken from behind her, so presumably a Prophet journalist had been present among the guests. The second was of Ron. He was holding his hands above his face to hide himself from the spotlight.

Hermione scoffed. That would be the first time.

But looking closer at it made her stomach drop. Ron's other hand was extended behind him, and hidden slightly from view was unmistakably Lavender Brown.

She was with him. Maybe even now. Maybe this was all apart of their plan.

Hermione began to shake. Images of Ron and lavender flooded her mind once more. She was hyperventilating. Draco dropped the paper and was looking at her intently, any kind of maliciousness fading away. His expression snapped her back into the moment, and she closed her eyes to calm herself down. Using all her strength she inhaled, keeping her voice as steady as she could.

"Well, obviously Malfoy, you already know. So if you feel the need to bother yourself with my problems, you're welcome to read your paper."

She turned on her heel and left without another word. Once out of view she completely lost it, running to her room door and closed the door quickly behind her. Her books dropped to the floor with a thud as she slid down the door. She covered her eyes with her hands, her warm tears pooling out. She had never, in her whole life, felt so humiliated. It was all over for everyone to see. They all knew. Everyone knew now. She'd never escape this nightmare. It would go down in archives , future generations would be able to easily stumble upon it while researching for a school paper.

She let her cries subside on their own, not wanting to waste energy suppressing it anymore. Her face felt raw from the salty distress. In the near distance she saw a pile on the floor of the dress, forgotten and discarded. Just like her. They were one in the same.

The envelopes Tom had given her slid out of the books from when they fell. Hermione leaned forward and grabbed them. She immediately recognized Harry's handwriting and tore the letter open.

 _Hermione,_

 _I can't even begin to think of what to say to you. I'm trying to wrap my mind around it myself. I hope you're okay._

 _I know you're not, but please, just be safe for me. I don't know where you went after but please just send me something so I know you're alright. I can't imagine you'd want to talk to anyone right now. But if you need me I'll be there in a second, where ever you are._

 _I love you,_

 _Harry_

She gave a small smile and hugged the parchment as if it was Harry himself. She wiped her cheeks and reached for the other letter. This one was from Ginny no doubt. Her hand writing looked carved into the note angrily.

 _Hermione,_

 _I cannot believe what an utter IMBECILE my brother is. The second mum found out she kicked him and that slag out. Nearly everyone wanted to kick his ass. We haven't heard from him at all and I'm GLAD. Hermione, you are one of my best friends and you deserve so much better than that. Write to me if you need ANYTHING._

 _Love,_

 _Ginny_

Hermione couldn't help but feel pleased at the anger towards Ron. She imagined his fearful expression as the Weasley clan surrounded him. She placed the parchment aside and reached for the final inquiry, which to her surprise had a Hogworts seal.

She broke it and pulled out a single piece of parchment, accio-ing a candle and hunched forward to read.

 _Miss Granger,_

 _I am deeply sorry for the events that happened to you yesterday. I have to admit it came as quite a shock and I am thoroughly disappointed in the other party involved. You have been one of my absolute favorite students and I can't imagine the kind of fool who would so carelessly give up such a wonderful person. However, I have seen you triumph over great obstacles, and I have no doubt in my mind that you will continue to persevere._

 _I would like to formally extend an invitation to join our staff at Hogworts school of witchcraft and Wizardry as a Transfiguration professor. Upon acceptance we will give you a salary, as well as room and board in Hogworts if you chose. The academic year begins as usual on September 1rst, but you're welcome to come sooner if you so desire. Please give your response at your earliest convenience._

 _I look forward to seeing you advance and achieve many great things regardless of your decision._

 _Signed,_

 _Minerva McGonagall_

 _Headmistress_

She sat there in awe, re-reading the letter several times.

This was it. This was what she needed to do. She had always dreamed of teaching at Hogworts and now she had the opportunity. She missed the castle, the endless halls and history. She'd start over there. New. Fresh.

She quickly grabbed a new sheet of parchment and her quill, giving her response to McGonagall before answering Harry and Ginny's letters. This was it. This was her chance.

Thank you guys so much for reading and your reviews! I feel a little more in tune with this story than my other current in progress. I'd love to hear your thoughts! I'm thinking next chapter of giving a little more insight on Draco's end. :) much love! Xx


	3. The Mistake

Another day had come.

Despite the exciting news from the day before, Hermione's world was still in shambles.

She had dreamt of Ron again.

It was the day he proposed to her. They were at the shell shack cottage. A little get away after the war. Harry and Ginny had joined them. They spent the week playing at the beach and sleeping in as late as they would allow themselves. The boys would go flying while Hermione and Ginny stayed and made necklaces from conch shells they found on the shore break. They all wanted the same thing, to forget.

One evening she went with Ron for a walk on the beach. The ocean twinkling from the setting sun. She felt Ron's hand slide into hers, and a tingly sensation shot down her body. She looked up at him, his hair wind blown and his cheeks red from the salt water.

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

He looked down at their joined hands.

"You're my best friend."

Hermione smiled.

"And you're mine, Ron."

He flipped her hand over, rubbing her fingers with his thumb.

"I know- well, I know that we've only been official for a while.. But I've known you so long that it just feels... Right."

Hermione's heart began to beat wildly. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, letting her free hand cup his face.

"I feel the same way, Ron."

He stepped in front of her, looking deep into her eyes. His were as blue as the sky.

"I just, i know we're going to be friends forever, no matter what. But I don't want just that. I want it all with you, Hermione. And I don't think I can go another day."

He dropped to one knee and Hermione gasped.

"Will you marry me?"

The dream shifted. Hermione looked around, trying to find Ron. She called out for him, when she realized she was at Hogworts again. She was in the great hall, which was filled with people. Some had their school robes on, while others were in suits and gowns. She tried to focus on something, anything. The head table appeared and Dumbledore stood, his eyes twinkling.

"May I now pronounce, Mr. And Mrs. Weasley!"

The crowd began to clap and she looked around for Ron, heading to the table. But as she drew closer, she saw Ron's hair begin to climb the stairs to the table. But he already had a bride.

Lavender.

She was wearing the wedding dress. The dress Molly was married in, and her mother before her. She smiled widely and waved at the crowd, before turning to Ron. He was looking at her adoringly, the same look he gave her when he proposed, and leaned in to kiss her.

Hermione woke in a cold sweat. Even though she had slept her body felt exhausted. She let her breathing even out and rubbed her face.

She had never felt so many conflicting feelings all at once. She was angry. angry that someone she trusted so much treated her as if she was nothing. He led her on. He made her believe it was forever. How stupid could she be? Even she knew nothing could last forever.

She was scared of the future. Was there anything to be sure of?Everything had been planned for years, even if they were in her day dreams. She had dreamt of being with

But most of all, she felt a sadness beyond anything she'd ever felt. A sadness that ruined the taste of everything. It made the air was worse than Bellatrix carving mudblood in her arm.

She looked down at the scar on her forearm, and her mind suddenly went to Draco.

What was his deal, anyway? Of all the people to be at the Leaky Cauldron... And why? Malfoy flaunted his wealth to anyone and everyone. A place like the Leaky Cauldron seemed beneath him. And why the sudden interest in her personal affairs? Sure, he had picked on her when they were younger,but he did lie for them when she was captured...

She ran her hand over the scar and sighed. Maybe she'd get a muggle tattoo to cover it.

The clock chimed 8 am. Hermione glanced around the room, knowing there were things she needed to do before she left for Hogworts on Friday, which was only two days away. On the dresser were Harry and Ginny's replies. They both wrote how furious they were with Ron. She had yet to mention her new job. She figured she'd tell them when they'd come to visit tomorrow. She was looking forward to seeing them. The past couple days had been lonelier than she'd expected.

Giving herself motivation, Hermione made her way to the shower to get ready for the day. Doing every day mundane things became draining. Everything seemed to remind her of Ron.

After her 45 minute shower she finally exited the bathroom, tying her robe around her waist when there was a knock at her door.

She cautiously approached it, knowing full well Harry wouldn't come earlier. The main reason he put off coming sooner was because of the practice he had all day for the game that weekend. Hermione grabbed her wand and slowly opened the door.

She couldn't help but gasp.

"Hey..."

He was there again. She could smell him. He seemed to naturally pollenate the scents of the burrow, Molly's cooking, the musty wood of the house, the poppies that grew in the garden.

She stood frozen in the doorway. He had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. His hair was disheveled. most likely from running his hands through it, a nervous habit he'd had since they were kids. He rubbed his elbow, looking at her shamefully.

"What-what are you doing here, Ron?"

From the expression on his face he didn't seem to know either, but didn't answer.

"How did you know I was here?" She questioned again, drawing her robe tighter. The water was dripping down her legs and giving her the chills on top of the shock of seeing him.

"I overheard Harry saying he was coming tomorrow. I just.. I had to see you. Can I... Can I come in?"

Hermione hesitated, but stepped back so he could enter.

He walked in slowly, looking around her room and her things. He made his way to her unmade bed and sat on the edge. His shoulders were slumped, his expression tormented. Hermione began to feel slightly sorry for him.

She shut the door and sat next to him, picking lint off the comforter.

"Hermione.. I'm so sorry."

She looked up and saw his large blue eyes filling with tears. His heavy sobs broke her heart all over again. She felt her own beginning to water and she focused on the comforter again. She couldn't look at him.

"I don't know why I'm such a fuck up." He sputtered, dropping his head in his hands. "I can't get anything right."

Her hand instinctively came to his back and began rubbing it soothingly. Part of her hated herself. He deserved to feel horrible. But another part of her craved his presence. He was here. He was finally here.

"Why did you love me?" He asked, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

Her lip trembled as their eyes locked.

"I- how could I not love you, Ronald? You were my best friend. I loved everything about you. Your humor, your smile, your heart. Everyday since I was eleven I woke up looking forward to seeing you. I still love you-"

She was caught up by Ron's lips pressing against her fervently. It tasted salty from their crying. He lifted his hands to her face and pulled her closer. She was too weak to push him away.

He kissed her with a passion unlike any time they'd ever kissed. His lips were tender and warm. She met him with an anguished desperation, letting him break away as he kissed her cheeks and down her neck. She gasped as he bit her collar bone, pushing her back on the bed and crawling on top of her. She ran her hands over his arms, kissing every bit of her that was close. He pulled apart her robe and studied her body, heatedly kissing lower and lower onto her breasts. Hermione whimpered slightly as he met her mouth again. He was fumbling with his pants. She turned and helped him pull them off while he bit her earlobe.

What was she doing?

 _He cheated on you only two days ago._

 _At your wedding._

Her thoughts left again as he pulled out his stiff member and began hurriedly running it on her slit. She was shaking slightly but he calmed her leaning down and wrapping his arm around her neck, the other grasping himself as he slowly slid in.

Hermione hissed from the pain. He stopped for only a moment, then continued to enter her . He went deeper and deeper, her nails digging into his back and he moaned. He gradually began to pull out then in again, Hermione's grip on his shoulder blades lessening with each stroke. It was still painful, and it grew steadily worse as he began to buck into her wildly.

"Ron.. Ron.." She whispered into his neck.

He moaned and went harder.

"Ron... I love you, Ron."

He froze and pulled out suddenly, leaping off the bed and falling to the floor.

Hermione sat up, her robe falling off her shoulders.

"Ron? Ron what's wrong?"

He was hunched over, pulling his hair.

"I'm such a fucking idiot. Such a stupid bloody idiot."

Hermione crept over the bed and crouched beside him, reaching out to hold him.

"DONT TOUCH ME!" He screamed. She fell back to the bed and covered herself.

"What's the matter with you!"

He began to put on his jeans, refusing to look at her.

"I told you. I told you I was a fuck up. And you let me do that."

Hermione began to boil with rage.

"You were the one who kissed me, Ronald!"

He whipped around to her.

"Yeah?! Well I shouldn't have! I told you i always fuck up everything! Merlin what the fuck am I going to tell lavender..."

Hermione stood, anger pumping through her veins.

"Lavender?! What the fuck do you mean Lavender? You were engaged and supposed to marry me three days ago? You said it just happened!"

"WELL IT DIDNT JUST HAPPEN OKAY? ITS BEEN GOING ON FOR A WHILE!"

Hermione froze. He was huffing and his hands were curled into fists. Her face dropped and turned into shock, clasping her hand over her mouth. Ron faltered at her expression. He began to walk towards her when she backed up.

"How long is a while, Ronald?!"

He ran his hands through his hair, just as he did that day. He began to pace.

"Fuck!" He shouted.

"How LONG is a while!?" She screamed, her own fists shaking at her sides.

He bit his lip and stared at her, breathing heavily.

"6 months."

She began to feel bile burning her throat. The room was spinning. 6 months. 6 months? That's just a few months after they were engaged.

"Get out." She whispered, closing her eyes.

"Listen, 'moine-"

"I SAID GET OUT!" She shrieked. Her magic flowed through her and a gust of wind knocked him back. She waved her hand and the door flew open, rattling on the hinges. He began to back up as she grabbed his shoes and shirt.

"GET OUT OF HERE, RONALD WEASLEY!"

He looked almost afraid, clumsily getting to his bare feet and stumbled out. She ran after him, throwing his shoes and shirt at him.

"I don't ever, EVER want to see you again! Don't EVER find me ! Dont EVER say my name ! Don't ever THINK of me AGAIN!"

She slammed the door in his face and ran to the bathroom, throwing up violently in the toilet and sobbed.

She knew it was wrong. She shouldn't have even let him inside. But she did. She was a weak, pathetic accuse for a woman. How daft could she be?

She retched until it was a panic attack driven dry heave and slumped against the bathtub, hitting her temples with her knuckles.

 _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

She sat there for what seemed like forever, abusing herself and her foolishness. She let him take her virginity. Had he not already taken everything from her?

No.

He hadn't.

She was more than just an attachment of him. She was smarter than this. She'd been through worse than this. Yes, it hurt what he did. But it didn't define her. She was more than this. She deserved more.

She pulled herself together and got dressed, burning her sheets with her wand. She wrapped up the wedding dress in a package and dropped it in her bag, leaving the room with a new sense of self.

She walked down to the bar and her first meal since the night she arrived. Tom happily gave her a large English breakfast, in addition to a side of bacon and endless coffee. It felt good to have some food in her, and only fueled her determination.

She shopped around for books and everything she'd need for the job at Hogworts, stocking up on quills and ink in every color. She wondered into the pet store and bought herself an owl, a beautiful snowy owl that reminded her of Hedwig. She affectionately named her Artemis after the goddess of the moon and young maidens. She then ventured off and bought herself new robes and clothes, opting for more flattering styles than she'd ever given thought to before. It felt good to indulge in herself, and before she went in for the night she treated herself to ice cream, imagining all the endless possibilities. The future didn't seem so scary anymore.

...

 **Hello! So i honestly wrote this chapter like three times trying to figure out where I wanted to have Draco's side come in, but it just wasn't time. Hermione still had some things she needed to experience and deal with as far as Ron goes. BUT Draco will definitely be in the best chapter. So what did you think? Please review!**


	4. the other side

Draco sat disinterestedly across from a witch he'd met at one of Theo Nott's parties. She seemed more appealing when he was drunk, her cackling laugh gathering stares from surrounding tables. She at least had a good rack, which Draco focused on more than her endless rambling.

He initially took sanctuary in the Leaky Cauldron to escape his mother at the manor. He assumed she'd never expect him to come to such a dodgy run down place, thus the appeal. He needed to collect himself, figure things out.

He found out about the Potions position at Hogworts just two days prior, and had spent every night partying with Blaise and Theo in celebration, where he met what's her face across from him now. She was going on and on about another guest and how she left with her ex boyfriend or some nonsense. Draco didn't care. He just wanted to get some action _before_ being holed up with geriatric wizards for the year.

"And in all honesty he really wasn't _that_ great. I mean, yanno. She can totally have him."

Draco nodded and downed his shot, focusing once more on her breasts. She leaned forward making her cleavage more prominent.

"But I'm sure you can help me with that , right?" She flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder seductively. Merlin, this was too easy.

"Of course I can." He smirked.

She giggled and crept up from the booth.

"I'm just going to go powder my nose real quick. Then we can head up to your room?"

She walked away, giving Draco full view of the bar.

He had seen a woman come in wearing a white dress, who was now perched at the bar top nursing an empty tumbler. Draco looked closer. Is that... A wedding dress?

Just then the woman turned slightly, giving a view of her profile.

No way.

 _Granger_?

Draco blinked rapidly. He had to be hallucinating.

But there she was. Same curly brown hair. Same freckled tan skin. By why was she wearing a wedding dress? Halloween was at least 3 months away.

He picked up a conversation next to him when he heard her name.

"That's Hermione Granger!"

" _The_ Hermione Granger?"

"Yes! Look at her! I read in the prophet today she's supposed to marry that Weasley boy!"

"Then what is she doing here?"

"Poor thing. That Weasey boy did seem like a womanizer. Why just last week I was talking to my granddaughter-"

Draco's attention was just short by his date's return.

"So," she pulled down her shirt slightly. "Should we head up?"

"Why don't you head up and get ready for me?" He winked and handed her the key. "I just need to say hi to a friend real quick."

She cackled again and practically sprinted up he stairs, giving Draco the opportunity to approach Granger.

Her shoulders were hunched, and overall demeanor was low. It was shocking, borderline sad to see her like that. Everywhere she went she always carried herself with a grace like she knew where she was going, and yet here she was. Draco tossed ideas around of what to say to her as he walked slowly towards her. Maybe he's just start with a simple "hello". Something nice, for once.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't Granger. Or, is it Weaselbee now?"

Shit. Well, might as well roll with it.

He slid onto the barstool , watching as she poked the still full plate with her fork. She didn't look at him yet. How dare she not acknowledge him. He worked at her again, trying his best to sound sincere.

"Well, probably not Weasley by the look of it. So what happened, Granger? Cold feet?"

She threw her fork down and glared at him.

The first thing he noticed was how her eyes changed. The deep chocolate shade flashed to a color he couldn't place... Like honey.. No, it was amber.

Her nose was red and she seemed to have some sort of gold shimmer dusted across her cheeks. Her lips were just as full as pouty as he remembered, but lacked any smile she gave everyone but him. He couldn't help but notice her features seemed to have grown into perfect place.

She seemed to have been sizing him up too, and he couldn't help but smirk. This set her off once more and she yanked up a room key and set off towards the stairs.

Draco sat blinking for a few moments. He did try to be sincere. He was just trying to be bloody nice!

He huffed and began following up the steps and onto the landing. She was a good distance ahead of her. He began to run slightly but stopped himself. Malfoy's don't run after women, his father's voice rang in his ears.

"Granger!" He called out.

She began to run. He furrowed his brows and walked faster.

"Come on, Granger! You can't run forever! Can't say I blame you though!"

He really didn't. If there was anyone he truly despised it was Weasley. He was weak, and unjustifiably self centered. He couldn't manage to do anything without Potter or Granger, but basked in their accomplishments. Even though Malfoy displayed his own name proudly, he at least he lived up to it.

He had to get her to stop. Obviously being nice wasn't cutting it. He felt his younger self chime in.

"So what happened Granger? Weasel saw you in that hideous dress and left you at the alter?"

That did the trick.

She swirled around, the train of her dress flowing like a wave. She pulled out her wand and came for him with such intensity that he actually regretted egging her on. Her hand whipped up and stuck her wand underneath his chin.

Her eyes were amber again.

"It would do you well, Malfoy.. To mind your tongue."

Blimey she sounded just like Snape. He felt his heart drop at the thought. His own god father having died the year before.

Before he could say anything else she raced to her room and slammed the door, leaving him open mouthed in the hallway.

The door across opened.

"Draco.. What's the hold up?"

The blonde appeared just in lingerie.

"Just getting myself ready for you my sweet." He purred, and stepped into the room.

Xxxxxx

Okay, so sorry for the long wait and the short update! Life has a way of creeping up on you when you least expect it! But I promise I'm working hard on this story and I will be updating more.

Thank you to everyone for their kind reviews! I did have a comment about Hermione losing her virginity and how it didn't really pertain to the story since she didn't do it before they got married. The main reason I put it in is because I wanted to show how vulnerable Hermione had really become. It was a moment of weakness that I'm sure some of us went through when you're breaking up with someone. Part of her probably hoped it would bring them back together again. It was also a symbol of her losing her 'purity'. But thank you again for all of your input! Hope you like this chapter!


	5. A new visit

Hermione traced lazy circles along her leg as she sat on the balcony of her room. It was her favorite time of day, just after the sun set. The horizon still held a faint golden hue, a light blue blanket covering it and spreading out into the deep midnight sky. There were tiny speckles of stars just beginning to appear, twinkling with hope.

She thought back to her childhood, going camping with her parents over summer break. They'd go out deep into the woods for weeks at a time, fishing and spending their evenings huddled around a fire. Her father would tell her stories of his own childhood, when his grandfather would take them to the very spot where they were. He'd tell her how there were more trees, how the sky was more visible without light pollution. Her mother would make s'mores and tell her the story how she and Hermione's father met.

"We were at a party-"

"The kind you should never go to." Her mother interrupted.

"Yes," her father smiled. Not that they had to worry. Hermione never was one for parties.

"I had never seen your mother at any parties."

"That's because I was in university. I could get sloshed after finals." Her mother laughed.

"I was playing pool with my friends when I saw her."

Her father looked to her mother and smiled. It was different than the smiles she'd known, like when he laughed at a joke or was proud of her. It was like a secret. He smiled at her mother like she was this great mystery, like a puzzle he enjoyed cracking.

"And I knew then , the second I saw her, that she was different. And I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her ."

Her mother placed her hand gingerly on his thigh , admiring him. That's how she wanted to remember them.

Hermione sighed and let a cool breeze lick her face and neck, her hair lifting around her, trying to fly away with the wind. She imagined the kind of romance her parents had. The way they looked at each other only gave her proof that real love did exist. She thought she had found that with Ron. She had imagined taking their children camping and telling their own story. But it was a chapter that had come and gone, leaving the next paragraph blank for the time being.

Earlier that day she had met with Ginny. Harry's practice ended up going later then he expected so it was just the two of them. Hermione didn't mind. As much as she needed Harry he just wouldn't understand. His thoughts were too straight forward, only capable of grasping one emotion at a time.

"So, how are you doing?" Ginny sipped her tea, looking at Hermione under her long eyelashes. Her deep red hair always reminded Hermione of leaves in autumn, long and cascading around her delicate freckled skin. Regardless of her beauty, Ginny always had a certain bluntness about her, never dancing around small talk. She didn't like to waste her time.

"I'm okay. As good as I can be." Hermione sighed, picking a sugar cube from a small bowl on the table and dropping it gently into her tea.

"He's an idiot, Hermione. I mean, I know he's my brother-and I love him, but I seriously doubt his sanity."

Hermione's lip tucked up as she took a sip of her own tea and looked out the window. They were at a muggle coffee shop just outside of diagon alley. It was a quaint little place, with mismatched furniture and settings. It looked like everything had been picked out of an antique shop. Hermione loved it. It was just far away enough from Diagon Alley that she wouldn't be noticed by anyone that had read the paper.

"Something happened, didn't it?"

Hermione tore her eyes away from the passing people and looked to her friend. Ginny's dark brown eyes were studying her, concerned but knowing . Hermione looked away, feeling more ashamed than she'd ever felt before.

"He came by... Last night."

Ginny placed her hand on Hermione's.

"Look. You're not a bad person. You're not a weak person. You're one of the best people I know. Whatever happened, happened. It is what it is, Hermione. But you deserve better."

Hermione nodded and blinked back tears.

"I-I know. I just... I feel so stupid."

Ginny shook her head quickly.

"Hermione, you're a smart person. The smartest I know. You just happened to be with one of the dumbest."

Hermione laughed at that and the subject was dropped, which she was grateful for. They spent the rest of the day talking and walked around muggle London, shopping for silly things to make themselves feel better. When it started to get late Ginny walked her back to the Leaky Cauldron and gave her a tight hug.

"How about we go to lunch next week?"

Hermione went to agree and then caught herself.

"I forgot to tell you... I've been offered a position at Hogworts. I'm heading up early in a few days."

Ginny's eyes widened and she gave a short laugh.

"You mean to tell me we've been out all day and you never told me?! Hermione! Congratulations! That is amazing news!"

Hermione smiled weakly and gave her friend another hug.

"Okay. Well, I need to see you one more time before you go. Don't worry, I won't tell Harry. I'll let you tell him yourself."

Hermione smiled and bid Ginny farewell, walking up the staircase to her room. Ginny always knew what she was thinking before she'd ever have to say it. It felt good to have someone like that.

She spent the remainder of the evening reading books on teaching and brushing up on her spells, although she didn't need it. She was beginning to feel excited, and hadn't thought of Ron once. She retired to the balcony and enjoyed one of the few summer nights left.

Once the temperature began to drop, Hermione shuffled her way inside and cozied up into her soft blankets, letting sleep fill her eyes to her first peaceful sleep all week.

Thump,thump,thump, thump.

Hermione looked over to her door. It couldn't be him again. She had made it pretty clear how welcome he was.

Thump, thump, thump.

She rose and tied her dressing gown, grabbing her wand as she crept towards the door.

She pulled it open slowly but was knocked back by whoever was leaning on it.

She felt a heavy body fall on her and she began to scramble backwards, her leg caught briefly under the mass.

"Lumos!" She cried out, releasing herself and whipping her wand down to inspect the intruder.

Expensive black robes were bunched all over, the hood covering the head of what she assumed was human. She leaned closer but couldn't make out a face.

"Ahem."

She cleared her throat.

The figure remained motionless.

"Ahem."

Nothing.

"Can I help you?" She huffed, poking the body with her wand.

"Oi, sod off!" A muffled slurring voice replied.

"Excuse me? This is my room! Why don't you sod off!"

The figure lifted itself and regained its composure clumsily, it's hood casting a shadow.

"Oh, it's you Granger." It's head lolled back. "Wha' are you doin' in my room?"

Hermione's brows furrowed at the voice, no longer disguised by the floorboards.

"Malfoy?"

He drew his hand up and pulled back his hood. His blonde hair was ruffled, his tie slightly askew. His grey eyes were heavily lidded and bloodshot. He smirked at her stupidly, slightly swaying even though he was propped up against a wall.

"In the ffflesh." He slurred, taking a deep bow.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Yes, well. What are you doing here?"

He looked up at her as he stood tall .

"Well.. I thought -hiccup- that this was my room to be completely honest. But now i remember mines across the way." He turned out to the dimly lit hall and pointed to the door.

"Draco?" A woman's voice called out from a short distance.

He turned quicker than she expected given how drunk he was and hid behind the door.

"Oh shit." He looked through the crack in the hinges. "This slag been down my trousers all night. I thought I lost her outside."

Hermione was beginning to grow impatient.

"Malfoy? This is very interesting and all but can you please go to your own room now? I was about-"

"Dracooo?" The woman called again in a sing song voice. He grimaced behind the door.

"I will, I will. After this bitch leaves."

Hermione huffed.

"No! Go now!"

She could hear heels approaching.

"Ahh, Merlin Granger please just let me stay here for a minute until she leaves! She's a friend of the family and my mother has been trying to set me up with her for ages! But she's horrible and shags everyone and has bad breath. Please." He dropped to his knees harshly and grabbed her hand, looking up to her begging.

"Draco!"

Hermione saw the girl approach the door across the way and begin knocking. She was wearing a very short and revealing dress and her heel appeared to be broken.

Draco hid behind the door again and looked at Hermione pleadingly.

Who does he think she is? His friend? She should throw him out on his ass. Didn't he remember that he'd been hassling her since her first night there?

He put his hands together as if in prayer and whispered to her.

"Please Granger? She'll probably leave in a minute and then I'll he out of your hair I promise."

Hermione sighed and for some reason began to slowly close the door. She was seriously beginning to doubt her decision making skills, when the girl turned at the sound.

"Hey! Have you seen the guy who's staying in this room?"

She had long black hair and large breasts, which were practically hanging out of the deep v neck of her dress. Hermione glanced at her disapprovingly but remembered not to judge other women based on their appearance.

She stood in the doorway and blocked the view of her room.

"He left."

The girl sighed and let her bag slip off her shoulder onto the crook of her elbow.

"I swear he was just here!" She whined. Hermione cringed at how high her voice was.

"He was. And he left. Sorry. Goodnight."

The girl looked as if she was going to say something else but Hermione quickly shut the door and locked it, looking down at Draco who had a sloshed look on his face.

"Don't look so pleased with yourself. Five minutes and you're out."

Hermione mumbled, and walked over to light a few candles.

Draco stood up and started inspecting her room. She had allowed herself to become more comfortable, hanging her clothes up and setting out the purchases she and Ginny had bought. He picked up one of the new teacups she'd purchased and sniffed pompously. He then staggered his way over to her pile of books and ran his finger along the titles. Pulling out a flask from his robes and taking a long swig, he grabbed the book on the top of her pile and flipping through the pages. He hiccuped loudly and dropped the novel, much to Hermione's displeasure.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" Hermione asked, crossing her arms and perching on the edge of her bed.

Draco picked up the book and threw it on the pile half heartedly, turning to her with another drink. He was smirking from behind the flask.

"I've never had enough, Granger. What's the point of being alive if you don't live a little?"

Hermione scoffed and straightened her gown. Surely the girl should be leaving soon.

He grimaced slightly and rubbed his neck. He looked slightly ill, causing Hermione to be slightly concerned he might get sick on her carpet. She grabbed her wand and conjured a glass of water, handing it to him at a distance.

He took it timidly and sipped it, watching her steadily. Their eyes remained locked for a moment, and Hermione began to feel nervous. Her heart was beating slightly faster. She needed to get out of the room again. His aroma was fumigating her senses. Musty and manly again. His expensive cologne still lightly noted. He smelled good, even with the hint of alcohol reeking slightly on his breath. He was in here. The same room Ron had been in. It felt wrong. She wanted to switch rooms.

"Maybe you need some fresh air." She mumbled more for herself, breaking their stare and pulling the blanket off her bed.

She walked out to the balcony without bothering to see if he was following. but after she sat on the bench she heard the door close and he dropped next to her, kicking his feet up on the wall.

They sat in silence for a few moments. She didn't want to say anything to him. Why was this even happening? Why was he here?

Her natural curiosity was beginning to get the best of her, and she turned to speak when he spoke first.

"Do you know your constellations?" He said deeply. His head was tilted back, eyes cast off at the sky. She couldn't help but notice how defined his jawline was. She watched as he ran his hand through his platinum hair, letting it fall effortlessly in any direction. Sure, she'd noticed he was handsome at school, every girl had. It was his personality that was so unattractive. She pushed out the thoughts and looked up at the sky with him.

"Aquarius... Pegasus... Andromeda... Cassiopeia.." She pointed to each and recited them from heart. Astronomy was one of her favorite subjects. It was fascinating to go from a scientific muggle perspective to a magical one. She named everyone she saw, happy to practice.

She listed them and turned to him. He had a small grin that took her aback slightly. When she saw him smile it was usually when he was with his friends, or making fun of her, or flirting with a girl. Any other time his face seemed to be permanently looking bored or disgusted. But he was looking at her and smiling.

"What?" She scoffed automatically.

"Thought you were supposed to be the brightest witch of our age."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She hissed affronted,backing away to look at him.

He laughed and pulled out his wand, tapping it on his flask and drinking again. She guessed he was doing a replenishing spell, which she didn't approve of as it seemed a waste of magic.

"You missed one." He swallowed.

She couldn't have. She spent hours studying star charts. Not just of Britian, but the rest of the northern hemisphere along with the southern. She knew every single one, along with its story of origin. She whipped her head up and reassessed them, almost frantic to find her mistake.

"Draco." He said simply.

"What?"

"Draco. That's the one you're missing."

She looked up and looked for Hercules and Ursa Minor , and there it was. Draco. She knew it existed. There were many myths about Draco the Dragon in Greek mythology. Maybe she put it in the back of her mind because of how much she resented the real Draco in her life. She felt slightly embarrassed at her mistake, but tried to shake it off like it was nothing.

"Right." She pulled her blanket tighter.

"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Granger. We all make mistakes. Believe me."

He handed the flask towards her.

"No, thank you." She pushed it slightly with her fingertips.

"Come on, Granger. I saw you in the bar the other night. Just have a drink."

"I'd rather not."

He leaned forward and pushed it towards her face, wiggling it.

She began to grow annoyed and yanked it from him, taking a large gulp and topping it before tossing it on his lap. He clapped and straightened up.

"There you go, Granger!" He laughed lowly and crossed his leg over the other.

"So, what happened?"

She bit the inside of her cheek. He handed the flask to her again but this time she didn't refuse it. She took another drink and set it down lightly, tapping the metal with her nail.

Part of her wanted to talk to someone about it. Ginny knew, but she was still Ron's sister, even if she didn't like what he did. She'd always be on his side somewhat. of all the people to be here to talk to now, Draco Malfoy was the last person she'd want to divulge in. But he was there, and drunk. Maybe he's just forget it all in the morning.

"He cheated on me." She finally said, refusing to look at him. She half expected him to laugh, or make a rude comment. She prepared herself for the worst, thinking of all the comebacks she could possibly say.

"And you found out on the wedding day?" He reached forward for the flask and she handed it to him.

"I found him with her on the wedding day." She sighed.

"Always knew Weasley was a weasel."

Hermione laughed.

Maybe it was the firewhiskey. Maybe it was the insult. But it felt good to laugh. Truly laugh. She wasn't lost in an endless pit of despair, she was a normal person going through a tough time. Even if it was Draco Malfoy who made her laugh, she was grateful. Grateful someone didn't just pity her and make her feel worse.

He didn't bother to ask anymore details. They sat and chatted about constellations and stories. they talked differences between muggle fairy tales and wizarding ones, which was surprising to Hermione as Draco knew a fair few.

"Okay, how about... The little match girl?"

Draco frowned.

"Awful story."

"But it's Hans Christian Anderson!" Hermione cried. She was feeling somewhat sloppy as time had passed. Her skin felt hot and when she turned too quickly she saw double of Draco.

"Yeah, but it's terribly depressing. Little girl lights matches to keep warm and hallucinates until she dies of hypothermia? Not exactly something I'd like to hear before bed."

Hermione giggled, feeling slightly morbid.

Draco kicked his feet up on the balcony wall and stretched.

"How about the fountain of fair fortune?"

"Love it," She stated simply. "Especially that the fountain wasn't magical. They could achieve everything on their own."

Draco seemed to dwell on what she said. His eyes were unfocused on something far away, his thoughts seemingly swimming.

"My father hated that story."

Hermione laughed.

"Why? It's just a fairy tale."

"Because the witch ended up with the muggle knight."

The thought striked up emotions in both of them. For so many years Hermione had been judged on her blood status, for Draco he had been raised to uphold those beliefs. The war, the violence, the fear. Hermione self consciously touched her forearm where her scar was. Mudblood. The word hung like a cloud, stuck in both of their minds. Dirty. Wrong. It symbolized everything that was different between them, but very little that was the same.

They remained quiet for some time, thinking their own separate thoughts, when Draco broke the silence.

"If the fountain was real, what would you wish for?"

What would she wish for? There were certainly many things. She'd wish there never was a war, that those died would somehow come back. She wished she'd never obliviated her parents. She wished for Ron to have never met Ron Weasley.

But that wasn't true. So many years of her life were spent treasuring his company and comfort. They had been friends for so long. Maybe she really never wanted to date him. She wanted her friend back. If they had never dated, something like him cheating on his girlfriend would be a minor flaw in his character. But to do it to her was something different. They shared so much together, they'd gone through so much, and yet it was all for nothing.

Draco had been studying her, which snapped her out of her melancholy trance.

"I don't know." She finally said.

It was true. How could she know? There were so many things. But it didn't matter now.

Draco didn't comment on her answer. He seemed to be soaking it in, debating with himself.

"I wish you'd never been friends with potter."

She looked at him astounded. Why would he ever say such a thing? She couldn't imagine a life without Harry. Even if he hadn't been "the boy who lived", he'd still be her friend. He was courageous and caring. He never judged anyone without reason, and even then he'd still open himself to doubt. He was her brother, the sibling they both never had.

"Why?" She finally mustered.

He refused to look at her.

"I should go." He said softly, standing up and brushing his pants.

And before Hermione could think of what to say, he left.


	6. Deeper

There was something dismal, even slightly eerie in Hermione's remaining days at Diagon Alley. Dark storm clouds hung low and full, and it began to rain every night. Hermione found herself mostly staying in her room to read, only voyaging out for meals or to grab more books. She purposely left quickly as to not run into Draco, but after the third day of not seeing him she found herself wanting to. It had bothered her what he had said about Harry.

 _I wish you had never been friends with Potter._

It left a bitter taste in her mouth, and made her feel slightly anxious. The past couple weeks had been emotionally draining, and especially weird. She had never asked him why he was staying at the Leaky Cauldron. After years of hearing him boast about his numerous estates from the Slytherin table she assumed he'd find himself in a more "suitable" establishment. Their conversation was even more odd, as he didn't call her Mudblood once and they actually talked. It felt more like reuniting with an old friend, although it was far from it.

 _Perhaps it was the alcohol that eased the tension,_ she thought to herself.

It was the afternoon before her departure to Hogworts. It felt slightly bittersweet, as it would be the first time she had returned since the war. Every September first she was always with Harry... And Ron. And now she was going back alone.

There was a faint knock at her door, disrupting her thoughts. She looked down at her page which she'd failed to turn for at least 20 minutes. She marked it regardless and made her way to open the door.

Bright green eyes smiled at her, and she immediately flung her arms around Harry. He returned her embrace, pulling back to tuck her stray hairs behind her ear and grinning.

"I thought you had practice today!" Hermione gasped.

"Like I'm going to miss seeing you off."

She suddenly felt ten times better. Having her best friend near seemed to lift all the sorrows. She felt safe. How could Draco ever wish she couldn't have that?

As if on cue, the door across the hall opened and closed. Both Harry and Hermione turned at the sound to see Draco standing there, bags levitating behind him. He gave a curt nod and walked away briskly.

"Blimey." Harry whispered as he watched him leave. "Was that Malfoy?"

Hermione debated whether or not she should tell him about the other night. Even though Draco had somewhat defected at the end of the war, and Harry had spoke on behalf of him and his mother, there was still a tension that lingered. At even the mention of his name Ron would begin fuming, so Harry and Hermione had learned to not discuss him or any of the Slytherins. She decided to play dumb.

"I think so." She raised her eyebrows in surprise. She was never really good at lying, especially to Harry. By luckily he merely shook his head and returned his attention back to Hermione.

"So, have you eaten?"

They spent the rest of the evening laughing and reminiscing over dinner. Harry told her all about the team and how excited he had been.

"It's amazing, 'Mione." He sighed happily. "I thought for ages that I'd end up as an Auror. Maybe after I retire I'll go into it, but this is just so much better for right now."

"What you needed." Hermione nodded .

"Exactly. I don't think I'd be able to just keep on... Going.. After everything. I just need a break from all that."

He looked slightly sad for a moment, and they shared a grieved silence. Hermione gently placed her hands on his and gave a reassuring smile, which he reciprocated.

"I saw Ron the other day."

"Oh?" Hermione slightly flinched at his name. She did her best to remain composed, taking her hand away to take a sip of her tea.

It didn't go unnoticed by Harry but he leaned back in the booth.

"He's going through a rough time. Been at the bottle for the last couple weeks. I guess Lavendar left."

Hermione couldn't help but feel better that he had been suffering. The anger and humiliation had done something to her heart. She'd find herself hating him, sending ill thoughts to him then feeling bad. It was complicated.

"Well..."

"Look, Hermione I know this has been really awful. I never wanna see the look on your face when you left. But he's still my friend too. Merlin knows after you left me and the twins went haywire on him. But you're still my best friend too. I'm always gonna be here for you."

Tears were beginning to form in Hermione's eyes as she looked away. Harry grabbed both of her hands and pulled her to his side of the table, wrapping his arm around her shoulder protectively. She felt her head automatically go to the crook of his neck and sobbed. Thankfully it was a slow night and nobody was paying them a bit of mind, and for the first time since everything happened Hermione truly let herself go.

"Hey," Harry cooed. "It's gonna be alright. You're gonna head off to Hogworts and you're gonna do great."

"Will you still come to see me?" Hermione sniffled.

"Every chance I get."

Xxxxxxxxxx

Draco couldn't help but scoff at the sight before him. Hermione was all nestled up to Potter, crying softly. He had been avoiding Granger since his drunken intrusion a few nights ago, and had successfully done so until he finally was making his way out. Something, scarily close to jealously was clouding his mind. He had every intention of leaving until he saw her with Potter. What are they, an item now? He was starting to grow disgusted by himself. He had never had any feelings besides malcontent towards Granger. That is, until the other night.

He'd half expected her to hex him to oblivion when he came to her door. He knew where his room was, but for some reason he was drawn to her. Her pain. He morbidly felt good that someone was suffering as he was. Maybe not exactly, he'd never truly loved anyone, let alone marry them. But something in Granger made him feel like he wasn't alone. If the perfect Gryffindor had problems then he would have hope. He couldn't put his finger on it but he felt it there. He'd came to her door sloshed to try and get a rise out of her, to feel like he used to. Maybe if she was there somehow everything would be like it was before everything. But once he got there he couldn't do it. She'd let him into her private chambers. She sat with him and discussed the stars and fairy tales. Even though she had been an "insufferable know it all" like his god father had said she was exceedingly bright. She could keep up with him intellectually. Their conversations were, well, stimulating. But once it got too much he left. As he always did.

He ended up loitering around the bar and drinking, thinking about her. What was it about her? Did he feel guilty for everything that had happened? Obviously he did. When he told her he wished she'd never been friends with Potter it was true. Everything that had happened to her was because she put herself in the bloody mess. Potter was destined to be who he was, just as Draco had. But she willingly went into the fire. Then he saw her with Harry.

He watched them as they talked and ate casually. Well, Potter ate. She mostly moved her food around and only took bites when prompted. He watched as smoothed her napkin when she was deep in thought. He watched as her head would tilt back as she laughed, her eyes closing as if basking in it all. He watched as she leaned over and took Harry's hand, giving him all her warmth and comfort.

He had stayed until he saw her break down and go to him for comfort, when he suddenly felt all wrong. As much as he'd wanted to see her pain, he couldn't stand it. He paid his tab and snuck around them, apparating the second he got outside. He hoped he'd never see her again.

 **Hey guys! I know it's a shorter chapter but it just came to me and I had to get it out. Thank you for the lovely reviews and words of encouragement! I'm really gonna try and get on a set schedule to get chapters out more consistently. Let me know what you think!**


	7. Conscience

**Hello guys! Thank you so much for the reviews! Thank you especially to the guest that pointed out Hogwarts was spelled incorrectly! I'm writing on my iPhone and of course you spell something wrong once and it remembers it forever -_- I've gone back and edited the chapters to fix this. I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Let me know what you think!**

Xxxxx

 _It was a bright and crisp summer morning. The sun was nearly high in the sky, giving the perfect shade under a large oak tree. There was a soft breeze that tickled the leaves, and they shuttered slightly. In this haven, an elderly witch sat on a quilted blanket with a book in her lap, smiling at a young blonde boy who was running around playing._

 _"Draco," she called. "Come to me." Her eyes were kind, slightly creased with laugh lines. Her long silver hair was tossed up into a messy bun. She dressed conservatively for the heat, and sat with the posture of someone with a lifetime of schooling._

 _Draco stopped chasing the pixies floating around the garden and ran over to her, flopping down on the ground._

 _"What is it, Nonnie?"_

 _The woman smiled at him and patted to have him come closer next to her. He obeyed, leaning back on the trunk of the tree, still gasping slightly._

 _"There is a story I will tell you," she began. "It was told to your father when he was young, and his father before him." She ran her hands over a rather shabby looking book. It was so old that the title was completely illegible._

 _Draco sat up intrigued. He looked up to his father as an idol. He'd always been a strong man, radiating power and more than anything he'd hoped to follow in his footsteps._

 _"Tell me!" He laid on his stomach, propping his hands underneath his chin._

 _The woman smiled, flipping open the book._

 _"There once was a poet named Dante," she began._

 _"Was he a wizard?" Draco interrupted._

 _"No, he was a muggle." She smiled._

 _Draco felt odd. His parents never let him read muggle stories. But his father had read it, then it must be okay._

 _"He was in love with a beautiful woman named Beatrice. They had many wonderful years together. But one fateful day she died._

 _He began to wonder about the fate and morality of the world. What life could it be without the one he loved? So he ventured out to once again to find her._

 _On his journey, he came upon a was thick and dark, so much that you couldn't see into it. Dante ventured inside, but soon became lost._

 _Finally he saw the light of day shining upon a mountain, but before he could climb it he was stopped by three beasts; a leopard, a lion, and a she-wolf. He grew scared and ran back into the forest, where he encountered a ghost._

 _The ghost was named Virgil, a Roman poet. He told Dante he had been sent to guide him on his path, and that he would lead him to Beatrice. However, to reach her, he'd have to go through hell."_

 _"What is hell?" Draco questioned._

 _Nonnie paused, leaving her hand resting on the page. "Hell, is where muggles believe those who have sinned will spend the afterlife. It is a horrible place, filled with demons and suffering."_

 _"Like the underworld with Hades?"_

 _"Yes. But in this Hell there is much more than the afterlife. Everything that you do in your life determines whether or not you'll go to Hell. If you've done wrong, then your punishment is to spend the rest of eternity in pain."_

 _Draco shuttered involuntarily. Hell sounded like a horrible place. He hoped that muggles were wrong._

 _"What would you do to go there?"_

 _Nonnie crossed her legs to the side._

 _"There are many things. In muggle religions there is a moral conduct. Certain things that are considered unforgivable. It varies depending on the belief, but there are some that are universal, such as murder."_

 _Murder. Draco was merely 11, still quite young and new to the world, but the thought of killing another terrified him. He'd read of murder, in his stories and history books._

 _"Did the Dark Lord do any wrongs?"_

 _Nonnie seemed conflicted. Her bright eyes seemed to darken, her smile faltering._

 _"There are those... Who believe strongly that the Dark Lord is evil."_

 _"Do you believe he's evil?" Draco asked._

 _"What do you believe?"_

 _Draco bit his cheek._

 _"Father says the Dark Lord is our savior. That he came to rid the wizarding world of impurities."_

 _The woman leaned back to the trunk of the tree and sighed. Closing the book, she looked to Draco seriously._

 _"There will come a time in your life Draco, that you will have to decide what you believe in. You will encounter things on your own, and it will not matter what your father or anyone else thinks. It will be up to you."_

Draco didn't know what made him think of Nonnie. It had been 8 years since that day when she read him Dante's Inferno, but their discussion had been etched in his mind. He leaned back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling of his new residence in the castle. It was large, practically a small apartment, in the dungeons near the slytherin common room. He'd had most of his belongings delivered, but even with all the comforts of home he still felt out of place. Being back made his stomach turn to knots. He sighed and closed his eyes, letting his mind wander.

The memory of the night at the astronomy tower returned. He stood before Dumbledore, bathed in the pale moonlight. the sinking pit in his stomach, the beads of sweat trickling down his forehead despite the chill. His wand trembling in his hand. The look on Dumbledore's face haunted him.

 _What do you believe?_

What did he believe anymore? His entire life he'd been raised-no, bred- to believe that the wizarding world was only composed of pure blood wizards. Everyone else was a mistake. A disgusting joke. The half bloods, the mudbloods, the muggles. They were the dirt beneath his shoe. Magical creatures were even lower. House elves and centaurs were all animals. Incapable of rational thought. Without souls.

It wasn't until his first year of Hogwarts he began to question his upbringing.

Year after year he'd gone to school with half bloods and muggle born. In every class he saw them learn as he learned. He saw there were some pure bloods that were complete rubbish at school, like Weasley. His father said it was because of the parents love of muggles. But even his fellow Slytherins Crabbe and Goyle were incapable of elementary spells. If they were superior, like himself, why were they so inadequate ?

Then there was Granger.

From the moment he met her he knew she was different. On their very first ride to Hogwarts he saw her, talking excitedly to anyone who would listen.

 _"Hello! It's nice to meet you! I'm Hermione Granger. Oh! I'm so excited! The castle must be marvelous. I read about it in Hogwarts: a history. Did you know that there are ghosts at the school? They must be so fascinating. Imagine the things they experienced! It's going to be so wonderful!" She talked so fast it became a slight squeal._

 _The boy across from her, who he'd later know as Neville Longbottom, smiled and nodded nervously._

 _"My gran told me there's a ghost called the Bloody Baron there. He killed Helena Ravenclaw."_

 _Hermione gasped, but leaned forward eager to listen._

 _"Really? Oh, it must be so amazing to come from a wizarding background. You must know so much magic!"_

 _Neville blushed, fumbling with a large toad in his lap. "Not really."_

 _"What do you mean, wizarding background?"_

 _Pansy Parkinson, a girl he'd known since he was first able to walk, turned to Hermione from her seat across the aisle. Her voice was snooty and condescending, causing Hermione to be taken slightly aback. It lasted briefly before she held her head high once again._

 _"Well, my parents are muggles, of course." She said knowingly, if not a little bossy._

 _Pansy's eyebrows shot high on her forehead._

 _"Your parents are muggles? How'd you get into this school?"_

 _Hermione's lips pursed._

 _"Because I'm a witch. I got my letter last month."_

 _Pansy laughed._

 _"A witch with muggle parents? That's no witch at all. That's a mudblood."_

 _Several people surrounding gasped, including Neville, dropping his toad who hopped away._

 _Hermione looked around confused._

 _"Excuse me?"_

 _Pansy's pug like face twisted into an ugly smirk._

 _"Don't you know? There are two different kinds of people this world. The pure blood real witches and wizards," she waved her hand to gesture herself and Draco. "And everyone else. But don't worry, we don't blame you for being inadequate. It's just a mutation."_

 _Draco stayed emotionless and frozen. Even if his father had said the very same thing before, which is most likely where Pansy had got it from, he couldn't help but think of Nonnie and Dante's Inferno._

 _Hermione's face flushed red, her brows dropping dangerously in fury._

 _"Inadequate?" She spat. "I am not mutated. I'm a witch! Exactly the same as you!"_

 _Pansy, along with some of the other pure bloods laughed cruelly._

 _"Oh, oh mudblood." Pansy gasped between demented giggles, tucking her long black hair behind her ear. "That's the saddest thing I've ever heard. You'll learn soon enough the differences between you and me."_

 _Hermione stood quickly, her chestnut bushy curls bouncing on her shoulders. For a moment she looked as though she would slap Pansy, but instead she breathed deeply through her nose, grabbing her robes from the back of her seat._

 _"Well, it appears I've already seen at least one difference. Whereas you are rude and bigoted, my mother taught me manners and class." She turned to Neville, who was looking up at her in awe._

 _"Come on, Neville. Let's go find your toad."_

 _Neville clumsily got up, grabbing his own robes._

 _They made their way to the end of the compartment before Hermione turned once more towards Pansy._

 _"By the way, you have a huge piece of lettuce in your teeth." And slammed the compartment door shut behind her._

Draco couldn't help but smile at the memory. Pansy had always got on his nerves. She had a tendency to put her foot in her mouth everywhere she went, making any conversation awkward. He grimaced at the thought of dating her, let alone shagging her his 6th year. His mother always tried to make them an item. But along with being snotty, she was entirely vapid and dull. Not like Granger, who always seemed to have a fact of opinion on everything.

Granger. He told himself he would stop thinking about her. After he left the Leaky Cauldron he made a pact with himself that he'd forget his fascination with her. Even if the years of muggle hating were behind him, she was still not an option. She was a hero, unlike himself, a coward. She made it clear numerous times that she despised him. She had been tortured right in front of him.

But even with all that, why did she let him into her hotel room that night?

Perhaps it was the Gryffendor in her, always just and forgiving. But even he couldn't forgive himself. He was a gutless pessimist. He bullied her mercilessly, and he couldn't even count the number of times he knew he made her cry.

He began to feel disgusted by himself, and flew off the bed looking for his firewhiskey he'd smuggled in.

It was lodged deep in one of his trunks. he popped off the cap quickly and began furiously gulping. With every swallow he felt his pain numbing, and finally when the bottle emptied, he passed out on his bed.

XxxxxxX

Hermione leaned on the glass window of the rocky carriage, breathing hotly to make steam. She made little smiley faces and flowers as she made her way to the castle from Hogsmeade. Madam Rosmerta had insisted she'd take one after Hermione told her she'd walk up from her apparition point at the pub. Hermione really didn't mind walking, but didn't want to appear rude, so she took the ride.

It was strange to see the familiar surroundings of Hogsmeade and the land around the castle. The once lavish forest had bits and pieces missing, some trampled from Giants and Trolls during the final battle, others burned down from explosions. It broke her heart to see it, imagining the horrors all over again. She couldn't help but wish she was with Harry... And even Ron.

She had been doing well not thinking about him for the last week. When she woke up in the morning she didn't lay in bed remembering their happier times. She didn't think about how he'd always shuffle his feet on the outside carpet the same way before he went inside the burrow. she didn't think about the way he'd pull his jumper off, messing up his shaggy hair, or the way he'd drum his fingers on her hand. She didn't think about the way he'd stretch when he got up in the morning, or the way he'd give her that boyish grin when he'd said something particularly cheeky.

But after meeting with Harry the night before all of that came back. Harry said he was miserable. Well, he deserved it. It made her happy at first... She should be happy. Then she began to think. She wondered what would have happened if she'd slept with him before everything... Maybe he'd have more interest in her. Maybe she could have been more attentive to his needs or took a more active interest in the things he liked to do. Maybe she should have been more into quidditch or did her makeup.

She knew that she'd settled into the third stage of grief; bargaining. It was supposed to be apart of the healing process. But she hated the way she felt all the time. Her heart felt sore, as if bruised. The skin under her eyes were raw from crying. Every little thing seemed to set her off. That very morning in Hogsmeade she'd watched a young couple with their daughter. They all held hands and laughed. She was supposed to have that. The love. The family. She ducked into the first alleyway and sobbed.

The carriage finally approached the gates outside of Hogwarts and came to a halt. A rather old, decrepit looking Filch stood outside the carriage, his squinted eyes studying her.

"Back again are we?" He grunted. "Not gonna cause anymore trouble will ya?"

Hermione smirked and stepped out, brushing her pants and coat.

"Never intentionally, Mr. Filch."

He mumbled under his breath and began to unload her things. Hermione went to help him but he brushed her off.

"Go on then. The headmistress said she wa'ted to see ya."

Hermione nodded but paused.

"I'm sorry, but where-"

"In her office of course! The password's dung beetle. I'll bring your belongin's up soon. I'm sure you know your way up, after all the sneaking you lot did."

Hermione shuffled awkwardly away trying not to laugh. At least one thing was the same, even if it was Filch.

She made her way slowly, breathing in the smells. The castle came into view, standing proudly in all of its glory as its always did. Someone had obviously done work, as the surrounding walls and bridges seemed completely untouched.

At last she arrived to the front courtyard. This is where it all happened. The end. If she hadn't been there herself she wouldn't have known this was where Voldemort died. The stone walkway was new and unblemished, the archways perfectly in place. The only difference she saw was a large stone with some kind of plaque on it.

Hermione walked to it and placed her hands on it softly.

 _This is the site of the final Battle of Hogwarts. In memory of all those lives that were lost._

 _Sed abiit, numquam oblivione delebitur._

"Gone, but never forgotten."

Hermione jumped at the familiar Scottish voice and whipped around.

McGonagall stood smiling down at her, still tall and proper despite her age, her hair still pulled tightly into a bun. Hermione's eyes immediately filled with tears and embraced her favorite teacher.

McGonagall smoothed her hands over Hermione's hair, shushing her like she was a child. In so many ways she was, and wasn't.

"I'm glad to see you too, Ms. Granger."

She pulled back, putting her hands firmly on Hermione's shoulders.

"You're looking quite thin dear. But I'm sure after a couple weeks back we'll have you back to normal."

Hermione laughed softly and wiped her cheeks. McGonagall smiled softly at Hermione, her eyes slightly tearing up as well.

"Flich told me you'd be in your office."

McGonagall released her and waved a hand carelessly.

"I can't keep myself cooped up in there all day. I fancied a walk, and here you are."

Hermione smiled.

"Come now, dear. Let's show you to your new room and office."

They walked through the castle, reminiscing to the old days when Hermione first started school and how she felt about the new position.

"I'm kind of nervous to be honest, Professor."

"Oh, dear please. We're colleagues now. Call me Minerva."

"Minerva." Hermione repeated bashfully. It felt wrong calling the authoritative woman she'd known so long by her first name. It'd take some getting used to.

"And don't you worry about a 've been the brightest student I've ever taught. I have complete confidence you'll do wonderfully."

Hermione blushed as McGonagall lead her down the fourth floor corridor and up the staircase. She showed her her new classroom, which was McGonagall's old one, and the office that was attached to it. Everything was completely bare, allowing Hermione to decorate as she pleased.

They continued down the long hallway and came to a large portrait of a mermaid swimming in a dark underwater cove.

She swam up closer, her green hair billowing around her like she was in space. She didn't speak, merely waited.

McGonagall turned to Hermione.

"Go ahead and set up your password, dear."

Hermione thought for a moment.

"Dante Alighieri."

The mermaid nodded and the portrait swung open, showing a small staircase.

"I'll leave you to it, dear. You ought to get settled in."

Hermione nodded and thanked her.

"If you don't mind me saying Miss Granger, that is an interesting choice for a password. May I ask where you thought of it?"

Hermione wondered for a moment herself.

"I'm not sure. I've always loved the Dante's Inferno poem. I guess it just popped in my head."

McGonagall gave her a curious smile, as if she knew something Hermione didn't.

"Yes, a very interesting tale indeed. Well, do take care. Even with classes two weeks away I still have some things i need to attend to, so you'll be on your own for the most part. Most of the other professors are here as well getting ready for the new term. Meals are at the usual time but you're welcome to whichever any kitchen you'd like. Goodbye, dear."

She gave Hermione a brief hug and left, leaving Hermione alone again.

Hermione made her way up the short staircase to the landing and gasped.

The place was enormous. The landing was some sort of common room, with a fireplace and soft red couches and chairs just like in the Gryffendor dorms. Her trunks and belongings had already been delivered, thankfully.

There was a small kitchen, which made McGonagall's comment about whichever she wanted to use make sense. On either side of the room were two doors. She headed to the first one which turned out to be a large bathroom, complete with a porcelain claw foot bathtub and sink. Above the tub was a beautiful stained glass window.

She turned and made her way across to what she assumed was her room.

And boy was it.

The first thing she noticed was the calming floral smell, just like a field in springtime. There were three French windows on each wall. In the middle of the room was a gorgeous canopy bed, topped with a fluffy white down comforter and pillows. It looked fit for a princess.

In the corner was a cozy chair and ottoman, complete with a dainty lamp perfect for reading. Hermione walked over to the closet and marveled at how large it was. Certainly more room than she'd need.

She felt very tired, but quite happy indeed. Peeling off her clothes and kicking her shoes aside, she crawled into bed and felt immediately at home, drifting off to sleep.

XxxxxxxxxX

 **So, what do you think? I wasn't sure how I felt about this chapter. Let me know your thoughts! 3**


	8. Wandering

**soooo sorry for not updating! I rewrote this chapter a few times and got writers block. But I'm very pleased to tell you I have figured it out and already started on the next chapter! Enjoy!**

Draco Malfoy sat on a bench moodily looking at the grey sky without focus. The storm clouds matched his eyes, and inside them the ever present cyclone of his mind continued whirling. He'd been in a funk ever since he'd returned to Hogwarts. It felt like every portrait was judging him. The ghosts remained silent in passing and spoke in quiet whispers when he walked past. He spent most of his time holed up in his own dorm or outside. Anywhere but the astronomy tower. Anything to keep him away from the memories.

He was certainly wallowing in self pity, when a small tink broke him out of his haze, and he looked down to the object which had fallen from his hands.

It was a simple silver necklace, although heavy. The pendent was an ivory swallow, welded to a thick silver backing. Draco leaned down and picked it up, running his manicured thumb over the bird's carvings. It once belonged to his Nonnie, and his entire life he'd known her she'd worn it. After she had died his father gave it to him, _I thought you might enjoy it even if it is trash._

Draco was actually quite fond of the necklace, although he'd never wear it. It was far too feminine. And besides, it belonged to Nonnie. She would be the only one who would wear it. For a brief moment it was almost as if he could smell her; sweet honeysuckle and mint.

He continued to examine it, feeling the metal growing hot in his grasp. He pressed the pendant to his cheek, letting the heat radiate. It felt like her warm cheek against his forehead, just like when she'd soothe him back to sleep after a nightmare. His heart dropped slightly as he felt the anguish of missing her. She was closer to him than either of his parents. Most of his earliest memories had her in them. She was more than just a nanny. She loved him.

He leaned down slightly and kissed the locket. Pausing for a moment afterwards, he began to feel rather foolish, and grimaced as he made to pocket the item once more when he felt it move in his hands.

He stood quickly, observing the ornament closely and dropped his mouth in awe as it opened like a book in half right in his palm.

It wasn't just a pendant. It was a _locket._

He always assumed it was rather heavy because it was such thick silver, but looking inside the mysterious locket he saw a small vial, slightly smaller than half of his pinkie. Pinching it out of its home, he observed a shiny silver substance. It couldn't be quite a liquid, he thought as he tilted it from side to side. It moved slowly, twisting and billowing as if made of fog. He pondered whether it was a potion of some sort, but he knew a great amount of various ones, especially of the dark sort, and this hadn't a single similar characteristic. Why would Nonnie keep something like this in a necklace? Especially one he saw her wear every day?

He placed the tiny vial in his front pocket and made the walk towards the castle in determination.

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Hermione sat comfortably at a desk in the library, rolls of parchment all around her in neat piles. She'd outlined all of her lesson plans for the year. She had two sets of classes for every year up to 6th, each featuring two houses. Every day she'd teach three classes; Monday two 1rst year classes and one 2nd year, Tuesday one 2nd year class and two 3rd, and so on. It was evenly divided up until Friday, where she'd teach NEWT level Transfiguration to advanced years. She'd spent nearly a week meticulously drawing out every last detail, going as far as to memorize her student roster and weekly lessons.

It was times like then she felt like her old self. The smell and aura of the library seemed to help as well. She had spent many years among the bookshelves and tables, pouring over homework or researching for Harry. Every one of the books held more than stories and history, they were pieces of her. Her memories, her brain. She cherished them closely like children.

But even though she had been consumed in her work, there was still a heaviness in her mind that tore her away every so often. She'd walk down a certain aisle in the library or corridor and couldn't help but remember little things that transpired there. She'd see a younger Ron, still awkward and gangly in his hand-me-down robes,perched on a window seal. His ghost would be in the great hall, gorging himself on meat pies and truffles. She'd catch him walking up from the quiddich pitch, his robes thrown over his shoulder, hair blown back from wind and his sweat.

It was at her table she looked up and saw him leaning nonchalantly on a bookshelf, his tie loosened and shirt untucked. He gave her a lopsided grin, the same goofy smile he'd always had. She shook her head and looked down to her papers once more, trying to find her place again. Shifting over through the stacks, she found herself both pleased and disappointed that she had no work left to be done. Every minute detail was etched in and taken account for, which left her only more time in her own thoughts.

With a deep sigh Hermione packed up her things, magically shrinking down everything into her new briefcase and still finding it quite full. She ultimately decided on filing it in her office, hoping to empty the load a little. Not to mention it was something else to do.

She left the abandoned library and made her way to her classroom slowly, going the long way around and finding herself mostly exploring. As a student she always was in a hurry to get one place or another, whether it be classes or to Harry and Ron. For a brief moment she wondered if she ever appeared desperate to them. She was often seeking them out if she wasn't doing schoolwork. She was there for them every night to help with an essay or homework. She showed up to every quiddich game and practice, even try outs. Was she a clingy person? Was her life so consumed in them that she failed to give any time to herself?

Before she knew it, her internal mindless ramblings had led her outside onto the lawn.

Sighing and deciding perhaps she needed a break from her busy work, she made her way to a bench overlooking the black lake. There were calm ripples from the giant squid that resided under the dark waters, and for some reason that made Hermione smile. How long had the squid lived there? And who brought it? Hagrid, probably. The gamekeeper had a habit of adopting dangerous creatures as non traditional pets.

She sat there for a long time, until the sun began to set and the cold night chilled her underneath her thin, summer robes. Sighing for the hundredth time, she made her way back up to the castle.

There was something mysterious about the Hogwarts at night. Throughout the day it was practically bursting with magic, students practicing and ghosts wandering in and out of hallways. But at night, the magic of the castle was enigmatic, despite the destruction of most of it. It was as though you could hear the stone whispering, telling ancient secrets. Many of the adventures she went on throughout her years there happened at the latest hours, and Hermione felt an eerie sense of Deja vu.

She walked slowly up the staircase towards her room, lingering on her innermost thoughts. Something was bugging her. Something she couldn't quite place. When she finally reached her dorm, she carelessly threw her bag on the couch and flopped down beside it. The fireplace was crackling, and she kicked off her shoes to let her socks warm up.

How was it possible to feel so many things at one time?

Her days since she'd returned were productive. She had a little more than two weeks until the term started and she was way ahead. All that was left was finding ways to pass her time. But that would prove difficult.

She had read through most of the library over the years, and any she didn't get to she made sure to put on her summer read list. She honestly longed the company of another person, but that wasn't readily available either.

McGonagal was always in and out of the castle, either preparing for the new year or attending more diplomatic issues. There were plenty of people who donated to Hogwarts and with the new ministry being erected, she had a lot of people to answer to. Several professors had passed during the war, and most of the new hires hadn't arrived yet. Even Hagrid was off campus. McGonagal had sent him off on several assignments and he'd most likely wouldn't return in time to escort the first years as he always had.

So she was alone, in the one place that she held so dear and caused her the most pain.

Filled with heavy regrets, she made her way to the bathtub. Running the hot water under her fingers to test the temperature, she allowed the bath to fill and walked over to the mirror.

She had always considered herself a plain girl. It seemed almost everyone else did too as that was the only comment she received about her appearance. Once or twice Victor Krum had told her she was "bee-u-tival", but she never understood why. Brown eyes, brown hair. Small nose. Fat, heart shaped lips. She wasn't anything extraordinary. Not like Lavender, who wore a bra since her first year.

Hermione huffed to herself and stepped into the bath, slowly easing herself in and stretching out her limbs. Even though she hadn't done anything particularly strenuous, she was exhausted. Her mother used to always say a bath and a cup of tea cured everything. Well, Hermione had made it her ritual for the last few weeks, and quite honestly, she felt the same every time.

She remained in the large tub until her fingers and toes grew pruney. Her stomach began to rumble, reminding her annoyingly that she had yet to feed it that day. She pulled herself out and dried off without any particular hurry. There was nothing to rush for. No one to get ready for anymore. When she was with Ron, she'd spray herself with perfume after every shower and put on mascara. Thinking back it probably didn't mean anything.

Once dressed in sleep pants and a tank top, she rummaged around her cupboards only to find tea and sugar. Her stomach growled at her again, and convinced her to finally put on her shoes to go down to the kitchens.

There was a faint trickle of rain that could be heard splattering against the windows. Hermione still found herself tip toeing and keeping an eye out, even though she had become one of the very people she used to look out for. She smiled to herself at the irony.

When she reached the kitchens there were a few busy bodied house elves, who all stopped and immediately took notice of her.

"Miss Hermione Granger!" A familiar voice gasped. Dobby, who had once been a servant of the Malfoy's and had saved her life more than twice, set down a pan of muffins and ran over to her. He was wearing what appeared to be a girl's baby onesie. Across the front in glittery letters it read "daddy's princess". Hermione tried her best not to laugh and gave the sweet elf a hug.

"Hullo , Dobby. It's been ages!"

Dobby's eyes gleamed with happiness, looking on the verge of tears.

"It truly has, miss Hermione granger! Dobby is so pleased to see you!"

The two talked merrily for some time while Dobby cooked for her, receiving several glares from a couple other elves. Hermione assumed it was either because Dobby wasn't working or simply her. A few house elves weren't very happy with her S.P.E.W. efforts back in school. She learned to back off and simply made herself available to the exceptions such as Dobby.

After a while, Hermione barely could budge from fullness. Dobby had made her shepard's pie, potatoes, chicken noodle soup, banana bread and a fruit tart. Not wanting to appear rude, especially coming after hours, she ate almost everything. She looked forward to the pepper up potion up in her room, and bid Dobby farewell five times before hobbling back to the dorm.

She walked back with a new feeling. It was happiness, or at least, almost happiness. For the first time, in admittedly a long time, she was full and care free. The pair of eyes following her from the shadows thought the same too, and gave a ghost of a smile after her before returning to it's dwelling.

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i know this chapter was definitely a filler, but it had to be written to ensure the rest of the story will go smoothly . Please let me know what you think! Even if you hate it!


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